Saturday, December 15, 2007
As this baby gets bigger and lower, I find more and more people are asking me questions about the upcoming birth. Most are particularly fascinated by the fact that I actually plan to have my baby in my house.
Q1. A homebirth! Is that safe?
A. Not particularly, but we're big, fat risk-takers.
Q2. Aren't you afraid or scared of having a baby in your house?
A. Not half as scared as I would be to give birth in the hospital. The midwife has less stuff with her she can hurt me with than the doctors have in the hospital.
Q3. How do you manage pain at home?
A. Screaming, a lot. Biting things, or people, if necessary. Lots of swear words. Sometimes, I hit people, especially my husband, whose fault this whole thing is, after all. Just like in the movies.
Q4. What if something bad happens? I've heard about horrible things that can happen during a birth.
A. We'd be really screwed. Once we get out into the woods by the fire and the drummers burning incense, we enter a force field and can't leave it to go to a hospital. Ambulances can't get in, either.
Q5. Is the midwife trained?
A. If you're lucky...but if not, usually one of the drummers (by the fire, in the woods) will drop his drum and put out his incense and come over to help in an emergency.
Q6. Why do you want a homebirth?
A. Because I'm a control freak. Why else?
Q7. Shouldn't babies be born in hospitals? They're sterile and everything.
A. If the mother or the baby is sick, a hospital is the best place for them. Then when they catch MRSA, it won't matter so much because they were sick to begin with.
Q8. What about the mess? Isn't the birth messy?
A. You obviously haven't seen my house. Blood stains, medical waste, an errant placenta...it all blends in over here.
Monday, November 26, 2007
So, I finally got around to editing and uploading my video. It has been EXTENSIVELY edited, so it should be fairly safe for families and work. You see my legs (OH THE HORROR) and about as much cleavage as you would if I were in a tacky tube top. Which is a lot. But no nip. (Sorry, pervs.) ;-)
Friday, October 12, 2007
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
I'm a few branches over on the tree, but I can only imagine the relief felt by a mom and dad who've lived for almost two years without their youngest daughter, or by a sibling whose heart has been wrenched and torn out by the criminal (and inhuman) acts of this man. My heart breaks for the girls, to struggle with the knowledge that their mother was killed by their father. My heart breaks for my husband, and also for his mother, who struggled to protect someone without really even knowing the threats she faced.
I'd like to think I'm not the type to revel in someone else's pain or misfortune, but there's something deeply satisfying about seeing someone face the consequences of their horrible behaviors. After two long years of seeing the suffering of those left behind while the guilty one went on with his life and reputation relatively intact, it's truly satisfying to imagine what must have gone through his mind as he began to watch it all crumble around him.
And at the same time, I know justice isn't always served-- not on earth anyway. Sometimes, for whatever reasons, victims wait too long to report, or evidence is destroyed, or fear is employed to buy their silence for a time. Sometimes, sadly, we can't see the perpetrator fully and publicly punished for what they've done. In those times, we just have to rest in the knowledge that deep in the heart of most people who commit heinous crimes is the knowledge and full understanding of what they've done. They carry with them in their spirits the secret anguish and guilt over what they've done, the inability to confess such sins tearing them apart inside day by day. No matter where they go, they are never, and could never be, free.
And the ones who don't have that conscience... Not much to say about that.
I hope Tim Tillman gets the legal consequences he deserves. Only then can those who loved Janet begin to work on forgiving him, and praying for his soul. It's hard to forgive someone who refuses to admit or apologize or pay for their crimes against the innocent.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Yep, I definitely feel like I'm on a rollercoaster right now, which is why I haven't posted an update in a while. And as for real, fabulous, chunky, meaty substance, this isn't going to be much of a post, either. But it's going to be an update. Take it or leave it. ;-)
Hmmmmm... Where to begin?
A) We have been visiting new churches recently. We had found a church that we thought denominationally met our needs and had been attending since October of 2006. But, it was very, very big. Big, as in too big for us to even get a call or card from anyone when the babies were born. Big, as in corporate enough that there didn't seem to really be any need for new volunteers, since everyone kind of had their thing going on already. Big, as in, well, just too big for us to feel at home. We've become weirdo country folks over the last few years, and like small town living, and the small town feel. Which brings me to our second problem with the other church-- it's in the main city almost a half an hour drive from where we live now. So, that basically limited us to Sunday morning participation since we don't head into town every day. Something in our town (which is actually about a five minute drive since we don't technically live in town anymore) would mean we could do Wednesday nights, Sunday afternoons, and more. And then there's my third problem with the old church-- it is very much a "we are the only right way" kind of denomination that isn't very good with ecumenical interactions. As much as I liked the church and its beliefs, I kind of have a hard time believing that any of the other Christian denominations are heading to Hell en masse simply because their flavor of Christianity isn't the right kind. Shoot, I don't think I completely believe that people of other religions than Christianity are definitely going to Hell en masse, for that matter. So, if being an exclusivist Believer is a requirement, I'm really going to be a crappy church member. Anyway, we believe we've found a new church home in our own little town, and we really like it. It's a small church, with lots of room to grow and opportunities to serve, and the people are fabulous. We'll see how it goes.
B) We've begun our homeschool year, and all the activities that come along with it. We started back to our year on September 17. We've also started the boys back to Cub Scouts (one is a second year Webelos and on track so far to have the Arrow of Light award, as well as every possible Webelos badge, and the other is a Tiger Cub), and Sassy Pants started back to American Heritage Girls. We're doing Scout popcorn sales and AHG candy bar sales, and I have to say that once again, I remember why I hate fundraisers. The two oldest are now in a homeschool Chess Club for 3rd grade and up once a week, my Webelos boy went to his first Boy Scouts campout over last weekend, and I took the four youngest munchkins on a field trip to an upstate farm. At the campout, big guy learned how to canoe and much more, and at the farm we learned about beekeeping, sheep herding, and got to eat goat and emu chili. We start our science unit on astronomy tonight! :-)
C) The babies are fabulous! They're now rolling over, trying to sit up, talking, cooing, and beginning to interact with each other. They weigh almost 17 pounds each at almost 5 months, and are in size 6-12 months clothing. As much as people made fun of us for wanting a 4th child, and as much as I almost had a heart attack when the sonographer told us it was a 5th one too, I can't imagine life without both of them. They're both very easy and very sweet babies; the only part that is sometimes hard is that there's two of them.
D) The house is coming along great. I got it all organized (at least well enough to have company) before Sassy Pants's 7th birthday party on September 22. It gets DARN COLD in there early mornings on cold nights. Winter is going to suck a fat one. Luckily, some friends from our new church have some farm land that needs clearing, so we'll be able to get boatloads of firewood one day in October when we go to help clear it out. Hopefully we can use the wood stove and bedroom space heaters wisely enough and avoid a killer gas bill this winter.
E) I've begun work on writing the book I've always threatened to write. I'm almost done with the introduction, and will occasionally post updates here about how far I am. The goal is to write about 10 pages a week. And no, self-centered, self-absorbed, manipulative crazy person, it's not about you. So get over yourself. ;-)
F) The hubster took a second job a couple of weeks ago. We really want to be able to buy this house, which will require getting ahead financially. We've been doing a so-so job of treading water and making teeny progress towards paying off more debt, but that won't get us where we want to be when we want to be there. So, we're going to continue to live off of job #1 for our regular expenses, and use 100% of the money from job #2 to pay off debts and begin to save up towards a downpayment on the house. If I could find a job I could do without abandoning the kids and giving up the SAHM and homeschooling, I would do that. We're just about ready to get radical if it gets us out of debt faster.
G) What kind of space cadet makes snotty comments to someone who OBVIOUSLY believes in having a big family about thinking that big families are bad? Seriously? It's been over a month now since someone offended me and the hubster-- someone we both care about very much-- and it's still a sore spot with us. The person was drunk at the time of the offending comments, so hubs and I were both wise enough to refuse to take the bait or try to engage in such an important conversation with someone who was obviously enebriated, but it definitely ticked us off. I'm going to update the family philosophy page of this blog to reflect what we believe about family size.
That's about it for the updates for now. I was going to add in a few pictures to the post, but time and technical constraints force me to save that for another post. :-)
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
So, here it is-- the birth stories of HM and BN. Enjoy!
The background (skip it if you just want the birth details):
I guess it really begins with the birth of their older brother, my third child, born in 2001. I had planned a homebirth, as I had really hoped to avoid unnecessary hospital interventions. As things would turn out, I ended up transporting to the hospital and having an emergency cesarean due to transverse lie. When I transferred to the hospital, they were clearly in no rush to get me on pain relief, and I labored flat on my back until I was 9 cm dilated. During the surgery, the doctors all laughed loudly and joked with each other, not paying any attention to my crying. When I had a medication reaction and didn't think I was breathing, nobody could hear me whispering for help between their music and loud talking. I spent most of the surgery afraid that I was dying, and was amazed at the hospital's dehumanizing treatment of me and my baby. Before his birth, we had wanted a large family one day. Afterwards, I was so devastated by the loss of the birth I had planned, and so overwhelmed by fear that I would never again experience natural childbirth due to a prior cesarean, that my husband and I decided we didn’t want any more children.
Just last year, things shifted in our thinking a bit. I had researched vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) enough to know that it is a safe option in situations where induction, augmentation, and other interventions could be avoided, and we decided to try to conceive our fourth child. After I was pregnant, I began my search for a provider, and found that several local hospitals no longer allowed planned VBACs, and that none of the local doctors would be fully supportive of a VBAC. I looked into homebirth with a direct entry midwife, only to learn that the midwife licensing board made it illegal for direct entry midwives to deliver VBACs in my state as of 2004, even though they had successfully been attending VBAC homebirths for many years before then. Only a CNM could deliver a VBAC at home, and no CNMs in my state could find a backup OB to support them in a VBAC homebirth.
Through referrals from our many friends who had given birth at home near us and online acquaintances, we found a very naturally-minded midwife in a nearby state who used to work our area before she moved away. While she was not willing to drive all the way to SC (a several hour drive from her) while I was in labor, she was willing to take me on as a client provided we were willing to drive for appointments and for the birth. We agreed, and began our search for somewhere to stay for two weeks before and two weeks after our due date, so that we would already have a temporary home to have our homebirth VBAC (HBAC).
A month after securing our midwife’s services (but just before our first appointment with her) and feeling confident with our course of action, we went in for a non-medical ultrasound to find out gender, and were SHOCKED to learn that we would be having both a little girl AND a little boy. The sonographer took several extra pictures for us (including several showing that we had two placentas, which later proved valuable information), and later that day we panicked, calling our midwife and letting her know we would be finding an OB and switching providers. We were just too scared to go through with a twin HBAC.
We did a little more research, though, and found that twin VBAC moms are no more likely to suffer uterine rupture than singletons, learned that twins with two placentas have minimal complications (if any) compared to singletons, and began to wonder if it was really necessary to resign ourselves to a mandatory cesarean at the hands of a surgeon. I called my midwife back and asked her what her experience had been with twins. It turned out she has delivered tons of twins when working in hospitals, and almost 20 sets of twins (including many twin VBACs) since switching to a primarily home-based practice over a decade ago. All twin births were successful, none required transport. We switched back to the original plan, and began preparations for a twin HBAC.
For WEEKS I had been having strong and uncomfortable contractions-- so many so that I was terrified of preterm labor. Somehow I made it to 36 weeks (the earliest my midwife would attend a twin homebirth) and we relocated. My husband stayed with me and the kids Fridays through Mondays, and went home every Monday to work a full week. In spite of regularly growing contractions, I made it past 38 weeks, and when I was 38 weeks and 1 day (with a fundal height measuring 50 cm), my husband went back home to work his week. That night, I tossed and turned, having contractions in my sleep. Tuesday morning, May 8, around 3:30 am, I was awakened with painful contractions coming every 2 minutes. This had happened before, so I tried all my usual tricks to make the “false labor” go away. I had a glass of diluted wine, drank lots of water and rested on my side, and around 4:15 am I gave up and got into the bathtub to see if that calmed them. At 4:45 am, still unsure if I was in real labor or not, I called my husband and asked him to come be with me just in case it was time. At 5:00 am, I called my midwife and let her know what was going on. She told me to call my other labor assistants and get everyone on their way.
Around 5:30 am, as I was making the bed and getting my birth pool ready (I had really wanted a water birth), my water broke and things intensified. Around 7:00 am, the midwife arrived and said it was fine for me to get into the birth pool to take the edge off the contractions, and the water was SO soothing! By 7:15, the midwife’s assistant arrived, and by 7:30 my husband was there. Things get a little blurry after that point, since I was in a good bit of pain. At first, I did really well, breathing through the contractions, relaxing, staying calm. My doula and friend from back home would pray with and for me during the tougher ones, helping me to stay focused and peaceful. By around 9:30 am, I was thrashing about so badly during the worse contractions that it took four people holding my arms to keep me from drowning myself! At that point (in transition, obviously), I was exhausted already, and moved to the bed so I could lay down.
Soon, I told my midwife I thought I might be feeling the urge to push with contractions, and that it actually made me feel a little better to push a tiny bit. So, with the next contraction, I began pushing. As things would turn out, I pushed a LONG time for a little baby who had spent the last two weeks at a +1 station. It didn’t take long for him to crown, but then he couldn’t make it any farther thanks to an overenthusiastic episiotomy repair from a previous birth. I was crying, worried about how this was affecting the baby, but my midwife checked his heart tones after each contraction and reassured me that as long as his heart rate was good, we were okay. Finally, after 15 minutes of pushing with very little progress, my precious little son was born at 10:46 am. He was crying as soon as his head was out, and was nursing like a little barracuda 20 seconds after he was born! He pinked up right away, and they delayed clamping and cutting the cord until it had stopped pulsing. He weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces, and was 20 inches long.
We left him at the breast, since the nursing might stimulate contractions to get baby B into position, and from the time he was born until the time his sister’s head was firmly engaged in the birth canal, my midwife’s assistant held her in place from the outside so she wouldn’t flip. After a few minutes, contractions started up again but they shortly became uncomfortable again and I asked someone to take my little angel boy so that he would be safer than I felt he was in my arms, with all the discomfort I was in. I switched to using a breast pump between contractions to keep things going, and soon enough I knew it was time to push her out. I was exhausted, and not very enthusiastic about it at first, and couldn’t bring myself to push that hard. Plus, I was expecting that after just birthing one baby, the second one would be easier, so I don’t think I was expecting the challenge she became. At some point the midwife suggested a squatting position to push for a few contractions. It was so hard to support myself, that once the baby’s head was engaged, I was begging to lay back on the bed again. So, I pushed for the next several contractions propped up in a half-sitting position. She wasn’t moving down very much, and I was getting discouraged, so I forced myself to get a little more energetic about the pushing (since that’s what my body was telling me to do anyway). After several contractions, there wasn’t a lot of progress, and I was in pain and needed to get back on my side again. My midwife, for the second time during the births, asked everyone to take a moment and pray with me. At that point, things started to move along, and after a VERY long pushing stage, my precious daughter was born, posterior and forehead-first, with her cord wrapped around her neck and shoulders, at 12:49 pm. Her posterior position had contributed to my extended pushing phase and slow descent with her. She was a little slower to pink up, and took a little longer to figure out how to nurse, but soon enough was alert at my breast like her brother had been! She weighed 7 pounds and was 21 inches long.
I birthed the placentas at 1:09 pm, and although there were clearly two separate placentas, they had fused together in the middle and came out in one giant piece that likely weighed between 5 and 6 pounds-- almost like delivering a third baby, but without the giant head! I needed one stitch to fix a small tear from my difficult second birth. I was bleeding heavily, and over the little while after the birth had one intravenous shot of pitocin and two shots in the hip. I was also given my first dose of methergine (which I took for 2 days postpartum), and given a lot of blood-building and iron supplements to help replace what was being lost. I also had several clots remaining that my midwife manually removed, and after the clots were pulled out my bleeding began to subside. Apparently, excessive bleeding is a bit more common with twin pregnancies since my uterus had two raw areas from two placentas instead of just one.
Thoughts on the experience:
So, I have now had my first completely unmedicated, natural birth, my first home birth, my first VBAC, and my first twin birth. What an experience! I feel so good about how it all happened, and am so thankful that we chose the path we did because I KNOW that I otherwise would have been forced into an unwanted, and completely unnecessary, cesarean. Although I worried a bit before the birth about the toll that being so big was going to take on my uterine scar, during labor I never once questioned how my scar was holding up. I have no regrets about my birth experience, for the first time ever, and feel only positive about how it all went down-- not exactly easy, but definitely uncomplicated.
My babies were at the breast within minutes of being born, and my precious husband was able to be more involved in this birth than any other-- what a wonderful support he was! My other children were able to come in shortly after each birth to see their new little siblings, and the babies’ first night was spent bonding with their parents and siblings, rather than being poked, prodded, weighed, and messed with all night long. I’ve been able to rest when I need to, recover in a way that feels best, and avoid being poked, prodded, and beeped to death during an already exhausting and physically challenging time. I am SO THANKFUL for these beautiful little babies, their curious little eyes, and their sweet little cries. They are beautiful, precious, sweet, and fun to watch and be with.
I am thankful for my incredible midwife, her guidance throughout the pregnancy, her competence and patience during the birth, and her friendship postpartum. I am thankful for my birth team, my incredible midwife’s assistant, and for my friends who drove up from back home to be a part of that experience. I am thankful for my family, for my precious children for their excitement and awe of these babies. I’m thankful for my sweet husband for being there for every moment, holding my hand, stroking my hair, and kissing my forehead; for encouraging me, believing in me, and helping me out; and for being a complete and active partner in the birth process. And most importantly, I’m thankful to God.
Many times during this pregnancy, I prayed for this pregnancy to be safe, to protect us during this uncertain time, to guide us as we made choices about our birth plan, to keep me and my unborn children safe and healthy throughout the pregnancy and birth, and to help us to somehow fit all the pieces together for the birth to come together according to the Divine plan. I committed that if all went well, and my babies were born safely into the world, I would give back to others planning for their twin births. Ultimately, it wasn’t just me, or my midwife, or my birth team, or my husband who brought these children into the world. It was pure Spirit, whose wisdom guided every aspect of the experience. I truly believe that the universe provided the perfect people to surround me during birth, the perfect place for me to birth, and the perfect babies to hold in my arms, grateful for the opportunity to parent two more little ones and in awe of the divine aspects of motherhood. What a blessing!
If anyone reading this has heard any of the usual doubts cast upon the ability of twin or VBAC moms to birth safely, please know that there are options. Natural twin birth or natural VBAC (or a natural twin VBAC) may not be the right choice for everyone, but it can be the right choice for some women, and it can be done safely. I have proof!
Monday, July 16, 2007
We were about to head into town to pick up the TV from our storage unit and take it to the children's home cottage, when the family who wanted the bed from our attic called and asked if they could come pick it up. We said sure, and I decided to go check out the leaky spigot on the back of the house while waiting for them to arrive. Long story short, the pipes were OLD, and after gently twisting the spigot a little to see how hard it would be to replace, the entire pipe broke and we had to turn off water the the whole house. We tried calling a plumber, but couldn't reach anyone at first. And then, the family who came to get the bed managed to break the spring on our attic ladder and left before we noticed. GRRR! So, in South Carolina in the ridiculous heat of a July day, my husband and 10 year old climbed into the attic, and I held the door shut for ten minutes while they fixed the spring. I opened the attic to let them out, and SPROING!!!!! The spring came off again. So, back into the sweltering attic they went, for round two of fix-the-spring. Ten minutes later, they emerged, smelling like camels and soaked to the bone with sweat. With no water to do so much as wash their hands, much less take a shower.
Frustrated, I called the family that wanted the bed from the storage unit and the children's home houseparent and let them know we'd just have to bring their things Sunday, and we went to swim at my dad's house so the kids and my husband could rinse off. While there, I managed to reach a plumber, who came by the house that afternoon and got the water working again, just before dinner and bedtime. That was Saturday, July 7.
Sunday morning of the 8th, we woke up and decided things would be different. We skipped out of Sunday morning church because we accidentally overslept (we usually attend Saturday vigil anyway), got up and ready, and went to the storage unit after lunch. The family who wanted our storage bed met us there and picked it up. And then, the real fun began. On Friday, I had arranged with the storage unit rental office to move all of our things into a smaller unit in a different building on the other side of the property, since we'd be getting rid of a lot of stuff and never really needed the bigger one to begin with. So, we borrowed a pickup and a hand truck from the family business, and spent an hour and a half loading up our pickup. The kids worked so hard, and I was so proud of them for all pitching in! And the babies slept peacefully in the back of the minivan the entire time. Once we got it all loaded, we were so excited to have it all finished, loaded up the truck and minivan, and drove across the property to the building where our new, smaller, unlocked unit awaited.
At least that's how we had envisioned it.
When we went inside the building to find our new unit, it had a lock on it. A big, red lock. I called the office, hoping it would have an after-hours phone number for situations like this, but no. So I left a frantic message begging for help from anyone who might check the messages over the weekend. And then I went back to the building with the locked unit, and check the doors of EVERY unit, hoping to find one unlocked that we could claim. Locks. On every door, even. After half an hour more of brainstorming some way to make lemonade out of lemons, I gave up. We decided to move everything back into our old unit. But first, someone was going to feel my pain, at least a little.
By now, both babies were in their car seats screaming their heads off. I got into the van with the babies, rolled all the windows up and closed the doors (to improve the sound quality, of course), sat in the middle of the van between the two screaming babies, and called the storage unit office voicemail one more time, with babies howling in the
"Hello, this is Christy again. We've decided to move everything back into the old unit. We will not be able to borrow a truck again until next weekend. And I'll look forward to hearing from you Monday so we can work out some way, perhaps a big credit on our account, that we can make this all a little more fair. Thank you very much!"
And then, with babies screaming, and our 5 year old son crying, "Mommy PLEASE don't make us move it all back-- I don't wanna move it all back," my sweet husband and I moved all the big stuff quickly into the unit. Then I sat in the van and nursed babies while my husband and children made a billion trips to move the rest of the small stuff. It took an hour to move it all back in.
We needed something to make us happy, so we took all my brother's PS2 games (which were all rated T) to our local used game shop, explained that they had been donated but would not be appropriate for the children's home, and asked if we could get some credit to swap out for rated E games. The game store manager was so sweet, he gave us full retail credit, and we got 6 new, fun games for the boys. We called over to the cottage, and went by to deliver the TV, PS2, and games ourselves. Our kids LOVED it, and the looks on those boys' faces were priceless! What fun!
Anyway, that was the weekend before last.
I was hoping, praying, that this weekend would be better. And it was!
Friday afternoon we moved our stuff to the new storage unit (I got my credit, by the way). Friday evening, we left the three oldest kids in good hands, and the Mr. and I got to go out on a pseudo date (milkshakes at Hardee's while the babies slept in their car seats next to us). Saturday was spent preparing food, playing with my new birthday present (which will be announced once I have time to post about it properly), and enjoying family time. And Sunday was spent in family time until the afternoon, when our new friends came over for a cookout. We had so much fun, the kids played well, and the grownups had a great time! We were even able to discuss religion over dinner without things falling apart (we're currently attending a Catholic church, they're Adventists), which is no small feat on a "first date" with new buddies. And the dad is cool, which is a good thing. Many of the dads we meet in this area are macho Bubba types, so meeting another nice, semi-progressive dude was a good thing. At one point, the other mom and I walked from the kitchen to the livingroom to find the two dads there talking, each one with a baby in their arms. Sweet!
So, I woke up this morning feeling slightly tired out from visiting into the evening, but feeling very, VERY much at peace and content. It's amazing what a refreshing and fun weekend can do for the spirit.
As we were heading into the store, I saw another mama with her minivan parked next to mine. She commented the standard comment I get when I go anywhere with three big kids and baby twins-- "Wow, you have your hands full!" She said it smiling, though, instead of snotty like they usually say it, and I liked her. I laughed and said, "sort of!"
Three cute kids jumped out of the car and followed her as she walked into the store. They looked like little ragamuffins-- in a good way! Big curly locks falling into their eyes, play outfits on that didn't match. I bet they homeschool, I thought to myself, and I made a mental note to try to find an opportunity to chat with her if I could work it in. But I didn't see her again in the store.
Later, while loading my groceries, I saw her come out and load up her van. "You have a beautiful family," I said, hoping to strike up a conversation. "Thanks," she replied. And then I chickened out. That stupid social anxiety welling up, I got into the driver's seat and closed the door. Disappointed in myself for not saying more, but still harboring some hope that we might still get to chat, I rolled down my windows (something I NEVER do when it's 100 degrees outside) to remain a little more accessible. She got behind the wheel of her car, cranked it up, and shifted into gear. Then, a funny thing happened. She drove her van right up next to mine, rolled down her window, and shouted, "Do you homeschool?"
Turns out she's a homeschool mom who has only lived in the area a few months. We talked in the parking lot for a few minutes, and then exchanged phone numbers before leaving. I called a little while later to invite her and her kids over to swim, and we had a BLAST! Turns out, they homeschool, they're vegetarian, they're into whole foods and natural living, and fairly crunchy in a few other ways!
Meeting her has been the highlight of my week, and it just goes to remind me to get out of my shell a little more!
Oh, AND I got an early birthday present tonight. But it's special enough to require its own post (maybe tomorrow) to present it to you. :-)
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
First off on our hit parade of DIY magic (as opposed to the DIY madness of years past)-- gardening. Successfully, even!
Since we have a limited area in the back yard that gets enough sunlight, Mr. Thinking Southerner read up on "square foot gardening," which is a method of gardening that helps you grow more stuff in smaller spaces. So, we have three big garden boxes full of tomatoes, squash, zucchini, cucumbers, green beans, okra, canteloupe, swiss chard, spinach, lettuce, peppers, and more! And our live to die plant ratio has been pretty good!
Number two on our hit parade of DIY magic: Canning and pickling!
With all those tasty garden treats, might as well learn to preserve them, right? So two weeks ago, I made my first ever pickles-- bread and butter. DELICIOUS! And then two nights ago, I made dill pickles. They were fabulous, though not as good as bread and butter. I've always liked homemade sweet pickles better than dill, even though I like store-bought dills better than sweet.
Number three on the hit parade: Sewing!
I'm not that great at it yet, but I'm learning, beginning with small and simple projects. I've made a few baby carriers and slings, and a couple of play dresses for my girls. And beginning this fall, I'm going to start taking sewing classes at the local fabric store to get better at it.
Number four on our hit parade of newly acquired skills: Basic carpentry!
Last summer, we put together a very complicated build-it-yourself playground for the kids, from a kit that had all the parts pre-cut and ready to assemble. It boosted our confidence, so when we found out we were having twins and wanted bunk beds for the kids' rooms, we decided that instead of buying bunk beds, we would make them ourselves using construction plans we ordered from www. bunkbedsunlimited.com . We bought all the lumber and hardware for the project, cut it, sanded, drilled, stained, painted, and assembled it all ourselves, and VOILA! Bunk beds!
So, there you have it! Just as stubborn as ever, but the therapy is working. AND, I'm actually learning new skills now. What's next on my DIY learning list? Who knows where the wind will blow me...
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I've been cheating on you, with a slew of hussied up parenting discussion forums with big hair and too-dark lipstick. Sure, they're not as fulfilling and meaningful as this relationship has been in the past. But they served a purpose for me for a short time, during a period of weakness on my part.
During my pregnancy, I was a bit freaked out. You see, I hadn't been pregnant in years, and the thought of being pregnant again was alien to me. After monkey #3 had been born, we spent a few years thinking we were done having kids. Planning for a new kid meant shifting my thoughts and focus back to having babies again! Planning for a new kid also meant having to learn everything I could about the safety, methods, and preparation regarding giving birth naturally after a prior cesarean. Monkey #3's birth (a cesarean) had been fairly traumatic for me, and had led to a LOOOOOOONG period of post-partum depression, so I was interested in avoiding a similar trauma this time around.
And then I found out it was TWINS-- WHOA! That of course necessitated trying to find other twin mamas online who had similar views on birth, breastfeeding, cosleeping, etc.
So, I'm afraid I became a bit addicted to the online support and chit chat I found on Babycenter, MDC, and NPT.
So now, the babies are here. The birth went well. Breastfeeding is established and going off without a hitch. Cosleeping rocks for lazy breastfeeding moms, twins or not. And all is well in the world of The Thinking Southerner. I have no excuse for my behavior. As it stands now, most of my online discussion forums are no longer uber-useful, and are primarily a form of entertainment. It's so different from my typically dysfunction-free real life to watch supposedly grown women fight online as if they are still stuck on the middle school playground. So different, so exotic and unusual and enticing...
And then there's the nak. In case you, Dear Blogger, are not familiar with the mommy discussion board lingo, nak stands for "nursing at keyboard." Most of the time that I'm sitting still long enough to open a browser and hit the keys, there's a baby hanging off my boob. Typing one handed lends itself to shorter and less meaningful posts, which isn't exactly my preferred blog posting style. Typing two handed while nursing means that I have to perfect my acrobat routine, as balancing a baby (or two) on my knees (which are propped up on the computer desk) while trying to hold a stream of thought is not easy.
And that, old friend, is why so many of the posts you've had lately have been quizzes, or reposts, or plain old lazy and un-thought-provoking.
So, Dear Blogger, there you have it. My lame attempt at an excuse for my infidelity. I know I am not deserving of your love, but if by some chance you'll have me back, I'll try to do better from now on. Just be patient with me as I rebuild our relationship-- I've been through LOTS of change.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Yesterday, we needed a getaway, so we drove over to the Blue Ridge Parkway (it's a couple of miles from where we're staying), and just started driving north. We drove for over an hour, stopping at all the little overlooks-- BEAUTIFUL! I loved it! Of course, by the time we got to Craggy Gardens, it was misting and there was a little snow mixed in, and it was FREEZING cold! We weren't dressed for it (it had been sunny spring weather when we left Asheville), so that was where we turned around. But for the time we were out, it was beautiful.
Oh, and I took a few 37 week pictures tonight. I figure I should be doing belly pictures more often now that I could go any day now. I was just out of the bath, so I look a little rough, but oh well. I'm looking pretty rough a lot of the time lately! Tonight, at the grocery store, some security guard said to me, "Either you're having twins, or that's one heck of a big butterball turkey you've got hidden under there!" Too funny! Anyway, I am in a LOT of pain, but it won't last forever. Eventually, things will get back to normal, including my pelvis, back, legs, feet, ankles, fingers, wrists....
Friday, April 27, 2007
We were at dinner at Wild Wing Cafe with some friends who drove up from back home to spend the afternoon with us, and one of her little friends shouted, "Hey, did you lose your tooth?" Sassy Pants says, "No, but I have one that is really loose!" Upon closer investigation, the tooth was in fact gone! Too funny!
And, at almost 37 weeks preggo with twins, I continue to be big as a whale! Here's a picture from last night.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
I ordered a kit with precut fabrics, elastic, and hook/loop closures from Diaper Kits. It came with a page of instructions, and all I had to do was sew it together! How cool! This is all made even more impressive by the fact that I can't sew worth a crap, still need to read the instruction manual for my sewing machine to figure out how to use it, and couldn't read a pattern to save my life.
Anyway, I was so pleased with it, I had to share!
Monday, March 19, 2007
For those of you who haven't heard this yet, on September 14, 2006, we found out we were expecting! Back in May of last year, we began making plans for us to swap out yet again, hoping that by fall my husband would be working full time again, and I would once again be a stay at home mom. It was around that time that we decided that if I was able to be home full time again, we'd love to have a 4th child. Well, my dear husband began working full time the end of July, and we knew it was time. I believe strongly in the safety of VBACs, and many of our local hospitals have either banned VBACs or make them terribly and unnecessarily complicated (thus leading to an increase in failed VBACs and increased complications for mothers and their babies). So, we spent a couple of months researching our options, trying to find the one that would be safest for me and for our unborn. After much research, seeking referrals from friends, and reviewing our options with each other and in prayer, we knew we had found our perfect provider! We selected a certified nurse midwife in a neighboring state who we felt had the natural approach to childbirth we desired, while also having the experience and medical training we felt would be essential to our comfort level with the birth plan, and we began making plans to temporarily relocate to a city near her as the due date approached.
Then, in December, we found out we're having twins! Talk about a surprise, since there is not a family history of twins, and we have never needed any fertility assistance! Of course, our first reaction was shock. I believe our second was fear.
I spent much of the next 24 hours reading and researching about twin pregnancy, and much of what I read was fear-based. I read that 60% of all twins are born prematurely (before 36 weeks). I read about complications that can arise in twin pregnancy and birth, including complications for the babies as well as increased maternal complications such as pre-eclampsia, pregnancy induced hypertension, gestational diabetes, and more. I read that most twin pregnancies are induced before 38 weeks to prevent placental deterioration and reduce the risk of stillbirth. I also read that many twin pregnancies end up in cesarean births.
Because I believe that all other things being equal, natural childbirth is best and safest for mother AND babies, these statistics scared me. Disappointed (both for myself and worried for the safety of my babies) I called my midwife the day after we found out it was twins, told her I didn't think we could go through with it, and told her I'd be looking for a new provider.
And then I continued my research. I began to learn that the 60% prematurity figure includes both identicals (who are at risk increased complications including twin to twin transfusion syndrome) and fraternals, and mothers who have other complications of pregnancy. My babies are fraternal (boy/girl, two separate placentas for nourishment, thus no risk for TTTS), and I've never had any pregnancy complications. I learned that nutrition can often prevent pregnancy complications such as pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes, and began to follow a modified version of the Brewer diet, a diet for healthy pregnancy (although I increased my own protein intake above Brewer's recommendations, to provide adequate nutrition for my twins). I learned that one of the greatest risks to otherwise healthy twins is low birthweight, and that adequate protein intake could increase twin birthweights significantly. And I also learned that nutrition is the single biggest factor contributing to placental deterioration. I ordered books about natural twin pregnancy and birth, and followed the recommendations as well as I could. I also learned that twin VBACs are at no higher risk for rupture than singletons, which was reassuring.
I started to think I might be able to go with my original plan, so 2 days after calling my midwife to drop her, I called her back and asked what her experience with twins had been. Turns out, she's attended vaginal births of dozens of twins, both in and out of hospitals, including twin VBACs. She's had positive outcomes with every one, and has only lost one baby in her 20+ years of being a midwife (and that wasn't at a twin birth). She wanted to be sensitive to my needs and concerns, so she recommended that I begin nutritional changes that could enhance my pregnancy outcome. She also suggested that instead of feeling like I had to make an immediate change, to take a few weeks to continue researching, meeting with twin mamas, and praying for God's guidance regarding our birth plans. We agreed that I would call her back in almost a month and let her know what we had decided, and she agreed that she would also be taking my situation into prayer to make sure she felt confident taking me on as a patient.
I began drinking a gallon and a half of water per day, eating well over 120 grams of protein a day (usually more), and taking adequate daily supplements (prenatal vitamins, vitamin C, iron supplements, liquid chlorophyll, alfalfa, fish oil, flax oil, and probiotics). And my husband and I met (online and in real life) with several women who had safely given birth to their twins under the care of a midwife, with minimal interventions. We both carefully read the twin books I had ordered. And we discussed and prayed about my pregnancy history, which has never included any of the common twin complications that can often lead to preterm birth or birth complications. After carefully and prayerfully considering our options for a few weeks, we called our midwife back and made plans to meet again soon.
Since then, I have received competent, professional, considerate, compassionate, and personalized care from a my wonderful midwife, who clearly views this not only as her profession but as her spiritual calling. Because twins are typically considered term at 36-40 weeks, we've moved up our relocation date to late April. We have VERY carefully researched, prayed about, and considered our options, and are solid in our conviction that we are doing what is safest for me and for our babies. If at any point something comes up that makes this plan risky or not suitable, we'll change plans. Until then, we feel we are doing the right things. And we have chosen not to discuss our decisions with anyone who can't bring anything supportive to the table. We simply don't need the stress right now!
So, if you feel you can be supportive of our choice and respect our decisions, we will gladly include you in our planning process, let you know when we're in labor, and keep you posted on how things go! If you feel you disagree too strongly to remain supportive of our plan, we'll be happy to call you after the babies are born to let you know how it went, but we'll have to request that you refrain from discussing our birth plans with us in the mean time. So far, everyone we've talked to has been wonderful and supportive, and understands that we would never take lightly our responsibility to choose the safest options for our children. We just felt it was appropriate to let folks know some of what has led us to the choices we've made, so that you can be reassured by the actual facts about twin childbirth (as opposed to myths and fears), just as we have been reassured by them.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
General Parenting Philosophy Information:
Sears Family Parenting
About Breastfeeding, In Private and Public:
Watch Your Language: Breast is NOT Best!
Nursing in Public
La Leche League
Militant Breastfeeding Cult
Attachment Parenting International Explains
Co-Sleeping Safety Study
Solitary or Shared Sleep: What's Safe?
Cosleeping is Twice as Safe
Not Designed to Sleep Alone
- It his body, and should be his choice.
- There is no medical or hygiene benefit to circumcision, despite popular misconceptions to the contrary.
- It's not any harder to keep clean.
- The foreskin serves a purpose and is not useless skin.
- If our boys one day decided to be circumcised, they can make that choice and have it done fairly easily. If we choose to have them circumcised without their consent and they were to one day want to restore, it would be a long and uncomfortable process (3 years or more), and would still not be exactly like an uncircumcised penis.
Male Circumcision in the USA: A Human Rights Primer (This article has great information refuting generalizations from the recent study on AIDS transmission and circumcision in Africa.)
National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers
International Coalition for Genital Integrity
Circumcision Information and Resource Pages
John Taylor Gatto: Challenging the Myths of Modern Schooling
Home Education Magazine: Homeschooling FAQ
About Family Size
We believe that the number of children a couple has is an intensely heartfelt and personal decision, and that it should be prayerfully considered. The reasons people have one, or many, children are very diverse and are often private matters between the couple and God. We believe that when people are attentive to God's direction in their lives in this matter, they will feel so led when the time is right for another child. While we aren't at all "quiverfull" (practicing no birth control whatsoever), we do believe in remaining open to God's decision to add another family member when God places is on your heart. We also believe that when you trust in Him and follow His guidance, he will provide for your needs, therefore we do not believe in waiting until the retirement fund is fully funded and a family is rich before having another child. Children are not nearly as expensive as are lifestyles.
See Lots of Kids
Thursday, February 01, 2007
About Natural Childbirth:
Does the United States' Higher Rates of Intervention Lower Morbidity?
The Assault on Normal Birth by Henci Goer
About VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean):
Relative Risks of Uterine Rupture
Uterine Rupture in Pregnancy
The Integrity of Uterine Scars
Vaginal Births After Cesarean Decline
About Twin Birth:
Optimal Gestational Age for Twin Delivery
What is the Optimal Gestational Age for Twin Delivery
Bedrest in Hospitals for Multiple Pregnancies
Vaginal Birth Safe in Twin Pregnancies
New Theories Emerge on Nonvertex Twin Deliveries
Vaginal Birth with Second Twin Breech
About Twin VBAC:
Twin VBAC Not Associated with Increased Risk of Rupture
Twin VBAC Research Review
International Cesarean Awareness Network
Weigh Risks to Mother, Infant, When Planning Cesareans
3x More Babies Die in Elective Cesareans
About Homebirth and Freestanding Birthing Centers:
ACOG Opposes Safe Birthing Practices
Outcomes of Planned Home Births
Born in the USA: PBS Documentary About Birth (select browse videos, and choose Born in the USA)